Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
