it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
