cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
