she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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