my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
