Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
