the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
