If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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