so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I sprained my soul last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
