ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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