nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
