I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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