I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize