Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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