Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
