Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
