Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
