all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
