It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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