Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize