its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
