doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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