White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
