You smell like stripper and shame
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
