I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
