Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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