Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
