this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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