he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
