Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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