she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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