Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
