Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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