I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you traded sex for a burrito?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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