Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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