Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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