My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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