Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
