Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
