"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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