I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
