Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
