I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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