everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
