Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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