Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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