So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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