wrigley field is MILF paradise
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
