apparently the secret to your success is patron
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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