Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize