I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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