Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
