i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
