it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
