Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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