My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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