When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
