I am in a vortex of obligation.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
