dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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