Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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