I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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