Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
