He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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