the condom got lost in my hair
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
