So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
