I wish I could teleport
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
