Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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