Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
