New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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