We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
