Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
